All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
