My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
