All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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