Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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