Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
