I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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