she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
