i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
