ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
