Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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