It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
