mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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