Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You smell like stripper and shame
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vagina is talking i cant
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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