Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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