ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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