We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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