She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
