And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize