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• (847): View more from Illinois

  It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  with a sacreligious after taste.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

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• (716): View more from New York

  One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (516): View more from New York

  This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.

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• (909): View more from California

  Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"

  (951): View more from California

  That's just where I'm at in my life.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.

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• (530): View more from California

  She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?

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• (727): View more from Florida

  "Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.

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