Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN