he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.