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• (818): View more from California

  what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.

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• (408): View more from California

  I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers

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• (518): View more from New York

  I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho

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