all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.