Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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