Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
