I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I got chris browned last night
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
