I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
