maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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