I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
