Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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