I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
