arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
