there was a trapeze. enough said
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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