Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
