no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
