hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
