I just pynch a tree in the face
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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