Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
