Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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