I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
