White coat. Heels.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
