glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
