The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
