First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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