I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
