OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
