Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
