So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
