I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
