Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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