I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
