we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
