I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
