so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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