I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
