There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
