i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
