So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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