last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Your cock deserves a montage
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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