I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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