I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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