Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
