Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
