So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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