I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
