I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You made out with two different species that night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
