This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
