everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
